Straight to Hell in a Prada handbag!
by A Soulless Poet
Summary: Yuki's (Mis)adventures of shopping with Akito...Need more be said?


For what seemed the thousandth time, a sigh escaped the lips of the man standing just off to the side of the shirt rack. He would never get that god awful puke colour out of his head!

_**It's official...never again am I wearing green...!**_

Again another sigh – this one in disappointment – when he realized he was in fact, wearing green. Now. One could argue forest green un-tucked with blue jeans, a black leather belt and shoes wasn't a bad look. First two buttons undone, sleeves rolled until just below the elbow, hair attractively mussed – he would be the first to admit he looked _sexy! _He'd even go so far as to say to himself that he looked like he just stepped out of a Gucci magazine spread – top model...!

_**I wish...**_

Frowning again at the price tag – and finally giving up the vein hope that the price would go down a few hundred! - said man looked up again...Only for his violet eyes ti widen in horror. His already pale skin to turn as white as the freshest of creams.

_**Why did he have to take me shopping in the first place!?**_

His boss, Akito stood there, hands on his hips, dark eyes squinting and angry. If Yuki looked hard enough, he could swear the other mans upper lip was trembling in barely restrained anger, a healthy glow on his otherwise ghostly skin. Only half paying attention, he instead focused on a pair of jeans on the discount rack. They screamed masculinity and attention...but even at a discount – way out of his price range. Yuki's attention was ripped away from the pumps he was inspecting, only to focus on the angry little man-child. The sales clerk was looking around for help but it seemed her "friends" had abandoned her.

_**Sacrifice one for the betterment of many, hm? Ah...the bitch that is life...how we love you in our bitter little lives...**_

When Akito grabbed the clutch out of the woman's hand and she flinched, Yuki again found himself feeling a tad sorry for the girl. After all – hadn't he been the victim of Akito's many tyrannical rants? Not to mention man-child tantrums and all together general weirdness that made up the man named Akito Sohma. Completely loosing his train of thought, Yuki watched in horror at what unfolded next. As if time itself stood still, Akito's painful voice ceased it's incessant clawing and screeching...the woman looked again in one futile plea of desperation, eyes wide with fear – a deer about to be devoured buy a rainbow feathered bird...!

He'd been spotted! He could see it there, clearly written on her face – joy. Pure joy that she wasn't left with this ranting nutcase and his deadly seven inch heels. Bad enough the man was dressed in a skin tight sequin sweater that hung off the shoulder. Did he _**have **_to wear skin tight jeans and a rainbow belt!? The whole outfit screamed "Whack job!"!

_**Sad thing is...this is some what of a norm for Akito...well, as normal as a giant rainbow feathered peacock can get...! **_

Seeing the woman was about to come his way, Yuki shook his head and made a lunge for the purses. One nut job was enough, he didn't need a foaming at the mouth, ripping her hair out in insanity sales clerk! He felt sorry for her but not _**that **_sorry!

Just as he was inspecting a cheap Prada rip off, the sequined monstrosity of a man-child struck again!

"Do you honestly believe me _**that **_stupid?! Honey, that's _**Prada. **_Not _**Gucci. **_

Good. He was still yelling. It was when Akito stopped yelling that got the most dangerous. Once the yelling stopped, all hell broke loose! Even the most spoilt and horrid of children had _**nothing **_on Akito when he was in a fit. Yuki's couch still had the marks when Akito asked for water and his assistant brought Disani instead of Voss. The only difference was the over exaggerated price tag – but only the best for his drama king...!

Fed up, Yuki turned and was just starting to contemplate how to find and destroy the inventor of Speedo's for men when the clerk came up to him...the same one that greeted them at the door.

_**Oh god, here we go...!**_

"You! Control your partner!"

Deadpan stare and monotone voice.

"He's not my "partner.""

The next part was Yuki's favorite! Each person reacted differently. Some with pity, doubt – a few tried to call him a liar – one guy even told him his own "coming out" story! - others would stand there and gawk like they didn't believe him. He already knew this woman's kind of reaction...So! He opted for a little fun...

Innocent helpful face...

"Ask him to leave, maybe?"

"I tried!"

Que eyebrow raise and look of patient parent with bad child.

"And...?"

"He threw a purse at me! Ranted on about how my parents must hate that they gave birth to a walking, talking sea monkey!"

_**Sea Monkey, Akito? Bravo – that's a new one...**_

Aaaaand now the look of pity...

"That wasn't nice!"

Bingo! Hook, line and sinker! Now que the look of confusion...

"Wait – you mean that man there in the heels and sequined sweater?"

"Yes!"

Her relief was so deliciously satisfying...! Biting back a wicked grin, Yuki shook his head and gave a confused shrug.

"Sorry miss...I've never met that man in my life..."

Ah-aha...and here comes the water works...! Inner Yuki glowed in pride when the woman ran away, crying hysterically.

_**Another one bites the dust...!**_

Realizing Akito was alone – there for his fun sadly over – Yuki made his way back too his boss and lead him out of the store. He honestly did not see what could be gained from Akito making a bigger spectacle of himself then he already was! As the two walked – Akito muttering about incompetent sea monkeys – Yuki couldn't help but smile a tiny bit. He'd had fun messing with people! Although...he had to wonder how a man could be so naturally graceful...in _**heels**_!

But – then again, this _**was **_Akito...Best _**not**_ to question...

A/N: This one shot is a sister to the story "The Devil Wears Prada" A Fruits Basket AkitoxYuki written by the combined talents of The Characters Death and Fandom Angst. Although the plot of "Straight to hell in a Prada hand bag" is my own idea it stemmed from the hilariously awesome idea of The Characters Death. If you enjoyed this – or not, whatever be the case – go and read "The devil wears Prada!" you will laugh your head off! (Shameless self advertising! IT WORKS!) It can be found on The Characters Death's profile! Happy reading!

~A Soulless Poet


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